Badboys Finish First
by BlackRibbonRoses
Summary: When Burt and Carole decide to adopt a foster child, Kurt is not happy with the result... no matter how hot this guy is.
1. Chapter 1

Kurt Hummel had a ... secret. One time, a year ago, Kurt Hummel was a hobo. Then he met this guy named John. And John had a sandwich. But there was this other guy named Blaine, and Blaine didn't have a sandwich. And then Kurt turned goth. And so did Blaine... because they didn't have sandwiches or houses. You know... cause they were homeless.

KUrt's nickname was Homo Hobo McGoth Butt. And Blain was called Speedy because he smelled like onions.

Kurt and Blain were really sad and stuff. They were addicted to smoking bath soap. They were also eeally fatt. Until Kurtt AND Blaine decided to stop eating jolly ranchers and other poops.

They decided to start going to school at William MicKinely Hi Skool. Mr. Shoester was their teacher for all of their classes accept lunch because Kurt and Blain didn't believe in eating anymore. Teena was ugly.

Kurt and Blain read a story in their english class. It was about a girl named Tina. She was so ugly that everyone died. The end.

Also, I'm a big fan of C. Low Greene.

Here is a poem Kurt wrote and Blaine read it and was like "I'm so in love with you AND i think I' m a little ueiugfiugfweiu."

It goes like this.

_Rugrats 4 eva... oh why oh why rugrats,, were you cancelled ? Is it because you are a jew? OH LOOK A SHOE!_

And then Quinn Fabrat was eaten by a huge herd of cows. And then Rachekl lost all of her hair iun a honey badger accident. It was tragic. Blaine's pet armidilloqw died because it overdoesed in Blaine's proactive.

**AN: GOD I AM SO SORRY FOR NOT PUTTING TRIGGER WARNNING! The next chapter will be written soon... if not in about four seconds.**

**Shrubtanns foureveer.**


	2. Chapter 2

Blaine swallowed back tears as he climbed out of the car. He touiched his smooth bald head and winced. He head a shout "ITS BLAAAAANIEEEEE" Blaines face twisted in anger. He bent down and picked up an old umbreella from a homeless baby. "NHAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" He screached. Blaine wound up and drove the umbrella strait into the car door. All of a sudden cameras started flashing "NO! NO!" He curled up into the fetal position on the suddenly everyone stoppped. Blaine looked up and relized he was a Honey Badger! He smiled and shouted "I HAVE HAIR NOW!" Then a forty inch long cobra that look strangely like Sabashtion came around the conor. Kurt jumped off a rock with the sword of Griffindoor "GET BACK YOU FOUL LOATHESOME EVIL LITTLE COCKERROACH!" HE SCREACHED. the Sabashtion-cobra belched and slithered away. Kurt turned to Blaine "Poor baybay what did they do to you?" Brrrrraaaaaak! Blane tried to nreply but he couldnt because he was a freakin' honey badger. Mr. Shewsterwalked up dressed like Lady Gaga. "A Honey Badger huh?" Should make a yummy dinner!" He reached over and plucked Honey Badger Blaine(HBB) out of Kurts arms . Hbb tried to yell but it came out as BRAAAAAAAK! "No your hurting him!" kurt cried "Hmmm this is a fistey one!" He said with a Twinkie in his beady eyes. Then an elevator pooped out of the skky . "Lets go Wonton!" said stroking HBB's gross Honey Badger fur. Then the elevator un-pooped out of the sky. Kurt fell to his knees crying while he peed hbis pants. Dumbeldoor poped out of nowhere and said "You better cork yourself boy!"

**A/N: Hi! I hope you liked this chapter... I'm really worried... this story is getting kinda heavy... should I change this to M? Oh, and please review! **


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: THIS IS HEAVY. VIEWER EXCRETION IS ADVSED. KTHXBAI!**

hey blain? Kurt said. i love you FIVE-EVER. Blaine frowned. why do u love me five-ever?

oh my goose

I LOVE YOU SIX-EVER! suddenly kurt began to cryyyyyy...and then he ran out of the closet. blaine said nooooooook urt come back in the closet and be gay wiff meh! but kurt was to sad to be gay withy blaine. he nwalked in toi the choir room and said

GTFO YOU LOSERS I GOTTA SING A SAD SONG FOR MAH EX-BF BLAIN. Sso quinn and rachewal wALKED OUT holdin hands. Serious Black's hair apparated out of nowere and Blkaine grabbed it and put it on his gel head. this will make kirt luv me seven-eva! he ran intoi the choir room were kurt was singing the perfect nanny from marry poopiuns. LOOK KURT I GOT HAIR THAT'S CURLYYYYY! LOOK HOW HAWT I AM.

well sorry B,laine but i'm with Loper the Honey Badger now. He's waaay hawter then you! loper the honey badger stuck his green tongue out. HAWHAW! he yelled. Come on Kurt let's go watch Wizards Of Waverly PLace. So Blaine cried and went of to join the circus for zombie hair freaks. And everyone was happy. Except serious black's hair, cause he was stuck on Blaine's ugly head.

THE END

Oh wait no it's not the end, I forgot to tell the story of Koper! That's Kurt and Loper's couple name. They went to live in a rainbow hut under the sea where they sang songs with Aurora and Jasmine the princess. but then Loper died, and Kurt was stuck raising there son Zakk. So he died cuz he missed Loper and Zakk went up to land and lived with Jeff and Nick. And Serious Black's hair ran away from Blaine and Blaine died cause he was withoiut pretty hair. So he went up to heaven with Kirt and they lived happily ever after.


	4. Chapter 4

HONEY Badger just takes what it poops.

Gaybies.


	5. Chapter 5

"HI KURT."

KURT FELT LIKE HE WAS SPINNING. HE LOVED BLAINEALOT. AND IT WAS REALLY SAD HOW TEY WERE GONNA BREAK UP AND STUFF. LIKE, WHEN DID IT ALL GET LIKE THIS?

"GOD, KURT! JUST IGNORE ME THEN!" BLAINE SAID as he ran out of the class room.

Mr. Shushtere was like, "OH MY... WHY ARE THEY ALWAYS RUNNING OUT LIKE THIS!"

And then season three started.

"Hey guys! I can sing!" Mike said happily! The group congradulated him.

"I AM GOING TO GET SCREEN TIME." Tina said, and then she agreed to only getting a couple episodes of screentime and then not existing anymore.

"GIVE ME CANDAY!" Luaren bellowed.

"No." Puck said.

"I quit." Luaren said.

"Wow, she was fat anyway." Quinn shrugged.

"I would've punched you for saying that last season. But now I'm gonna start draweing farm animals for my baby daughter."

Mercedes looked at them. "Why do I have to date this fat guy? HOMEY DON'T PLAY THAT!"

Suddenly, Hagrid walked into the room. "There's a storm coming Harry."

Hagrid was carrying Sam. Sam told Mercedes he loved her and kissed Mercedes.

"I'm LESBIAN." Santana screamed.

"Yeah, we all knew that." Said Rachel.

"WOW GUISE HAGIRD!"

Honey badger.

**A/N: Please review?**


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